Directed by: Rob Marshall
Rating: ★½
It’s never a good thing when a movie adapted from a stage musical ends and you think to yourself: “This would be so much better on stage”.
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| The Baker and the Witch hit it off immediately... |
I don’t know the original version of Into the Woods, so I can only compare this adaptation to the synopsis of the stage musical that Wikipedia provides. But without knowing the original story, it is obvious that Rob Marshall’s Into the Woods is a bastardised child: an incomprehensible Disney-fied mess that has been hacked apart and reconstructed into an incoherent and thoroughly boring musical misstep.
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| Rapunzel is one of the many characters whose fate is dramatically altered for the Disney version of Into the Woods. |
The film is about several fairy tale characters- the Wicked Witch (Streep), Cinderella (Kendrick), Red Riding Hood (Crawford), Jack (Huttlestone), Rapunzel (Mauzy), Prince Charming (Pine) and even the Big Bad Wolf (Depp)- who all interact with a Baker (Corden) and his Wife (Blunt). Every character wishes for something, and throughout the course of the story, they get their wish: with dire consequences.
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| Don't mess with the beans of a witch! |
Although, as this is a Disney movie, the consequences aren’t really dire at all. They’ve been stripped down, altered and completely cut, so that this version has hardly any sex or violence and no murder. Which is very strange, because they are very important plot points, and in this big screen adaptation they just don’t happen so, in the end, the film makes little to no sense and its very essence is almost entirely eradicated.
But even Disney can’t whitewash the real meaning of the Big Bad Wolf’s creepy sexual predator song.
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| Run away, Red Riding Hood! |
Not only is the film nonsensical, it is also painfully tedious. Even once the characters go into the woods and stay there for the entire duration of the film, nothing interesting happens, because, for the first act, everything is just a rehash of the traditional fairy tales we are all very familiar with, and in the second act it’s just a hodgepodge of random subplots spinning wildly out of control and a nonthreatening giant who just shouts at people. And makes them stumble off of cliffs, apparently: a very important death that we don’t actually see, and are told about by another character (which is a very clunky mistake).
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| Even the cow is annoying... |
The songs are samey, most of them forgettable and overlong. Some of them are good, but because almost all of the cast can’t sing it makes it hard to actually enjoy them.
The best song in the film is probably ‘Agony’, but because Chris Pine can’t sing and acts out his part in the campest way possible, it is hard to enjoy it. This moment in the film is very strange as, up until this point, everything is played fairly straight, then suddenly two princes gurn and strut and pout at the camera in a way that would make even Ru Paul hang his head in shame, something I’m not sure is meant to be intentionally funny.
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| What the hell is Chris Pine doing in this movie?? |
Jack is an annoying character but the child playing him is an annoying singer- he screeches and gibbers his way through every song with great gusto, but minimal articulacy.
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| Just sell the cow, Jack. And stop being a thief! |
Meryl Streep also shrieks and squeals and hams it up as the Witch, clearly enjoying her role and getting an Oscar nod for it. She’s likeable because she’s Meryl Streep, but I just find her presence in this movie strange, although it is clearly the movie's main selling point.
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| Meryl certainly loves to ham it up every now and then! |
The Witch’s main song, which is meant to be emotional and poignant, had me in stitches because, just like the entire film, it is so hard to take seriously. As she fondles Rapunzel and screeches out her song, I just burst into fits of uncontrollable laughter because it suddenly hit me: what was I doing here? Why was I watching this film? Why was Meryl Streep even in this movie? Nothing made any sense to me, anymore, so I just sat back and tried to enjoy the ride.
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| The song that had me in stitches: the movie's supposedly most emotional moment. |
But didn’t.
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| Emily Blunt is great. James Corden is not. |
Emily Blunt as the Baker’s Wife was very strong: her acting and her singing were good. This is also true of Lilla Crawford, who plays Red Riding Hood, and her spunky attitude really stood out against other, much weaker, performances.
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| 'Into the woods, into the woods, into the woods'- yes we understand you're going into the woods, okay? |
I ‘don’t get’ either Anna Kendrick or James Corden. To me they are both wholly bland and add nothing to anything. I don’t find Anna Kendrick attractive and I don’t think she’s a good actress so I don’t understand why Hollywood keeps trying to flog her. She’s pointless.
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| Why Anna, why? |
As for James Corden, he tries his very hardest to break out of his one role range, but doesn’t. When an unknown 12 year old girl steals all of your scenes from you, you have a problem.
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| Man tries to steal coat from small girl, ends up having scenes stolen from him. |
Into the Woods has been in development hell for almost 25 years, and it is clear to see why. This is not a story for children, and to try to make it one only destroys everything that this musical is about.
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| Cinderella's step-mother and step-sister aren't the nicest women in the world... |
Saying this, Into the Woods was, bizarrely enough, a commercial and critical success, probably because there was nothing else to compete against it when it was released. It has even been nominated for three of this year’s Academy Awards.
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| Indecisive Cinderella: it's getting boring now! |
I didn’t hate the movie; I was just disappointed by it., mainly because it is so long-winded and dull. It has a strong concept, some good songs and some great performers, but it just doesn’t manage to come together.
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| New species of bird discover: the Violet Crested Streep. |
Into the Woodswill be admired by generations to come: as a good-bad movie only fit for a great drinking game. Every time someone says something about the woods, Milky White or a giant you have to have a shot. Every time someone sings out of tune you have to have a shot. Every time Meryl Streep appears out of nowhere, you have to have a shot. And the more you drink the better the movie will become, as, through beer goggles, the film will transform into a cult comedy classic.
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